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A few people in the replies have asked me what changed my mind so here’s the short version: I was a detransitioned TERF, meaning an ex-trans person who believed that transmasculine people were actually suffering from internalized sexism and unhealed trauma. So I was doing conversion practices on myself to suppress my transness which caused a lot of suffering. Eventually I could no longer deny that I was hurting myself and that I hadn’t actually stopped being trans.

I also started getting disillusioned when some TERF groups like WoLF starting working with right-wing Christian groups. Around the same time, right-wing Christians, including some working for the Heritage Foundation, found my writing on detransition and quoted it in their propaganda. I started asking myself if what I was doing was really feminist or a threat to the patriarchy if sexist homophobic conservatives could use it for their political agenda.

Also other TERFs treated me pretty badly, including some of the other detrans TERFs I used to know and work with. I dated another detrans TERF who was both a leader in the subculture and very abusive towards me.

I disengaged over the course of several years instead of having a big “aha” moment and leaving all at once. The detrans TERF subculture is pretty much a cult and very mindfucky, so even after stuff starting feeling wrong it took time to figure out that the problem was the group and the larger movement and not just me.

One of the major things that helped me get out was when I started talking to my current partner, who never stopped considering himself trans but was influenced by TERF propaganda and stopped t temporarily. We started out as friends. When we first starting talking I was getting critical of things but still pretty indoctrinated. I could be honest with him though and express my growing disillusionment. Eventually we both helped each other get out and cut ties with detrans TERFs and the larger anti-trans movement.