cw: talk of sui
Also normally at this point of the year (and through the year actually) I would be like, “if all you did was survive this year good job” but my community just lost two humans and it feels kind of heartless or something to say that now?
I don’t know everything feels heavy and complicated and I’m very overwhelmed.
feelings / processing / disability
It’s very fitting that my body is acting up while I’m realising exactly how much resentment and grief I still have towards it.
It feels really complicated and riddled with grief and loss and heartbreak. I’m not sure how to just sit with those feelings.
It’s ended up a lot more complicated and overwhelming and heavy than I expected it to be.
feelings / processing
I forgot that underneath resentment/anger there is often sadness/grief/pain.
I’m very good at avoiding feelings so the idea of pulling them apart and looking at the shit swept under the carpet is terrifying.
Vulnerability feels like weakness, and weakness feels unsafe.
I’m not sure how to process this stuff still.
Perfectionism wants it to be neatly packaged weather it’s in front of me or tucked away but feelings are always messy.
drugs / mushrooms
My dad bought my bro’s gf a book on “psilocybin mushrooms” thinking it was a book about regular mushrooms despite the back saying “MAGIC MUSHROOMS” in large letters and then he flicked through it and was like “oh no” his wife said he shouldn’t give it to her but he did. Then I got home and my housemate was on shrooms.
bullying / Twitter.
I saw a tweet from someone who was bagging out a “lived experience” councillor and their one of their examples was “I have a lot of experience flying on planes a lot but I’m gonna let my pilot continue to fly it”. Like... yeah so you can probably talk a lot about what it’s like to be on a plane to someone who’s never flown... that’s what your lived experience is not flying a plane you fucking muppet. People are the worst.
Why do we say ACAB?
"...we don’t say all cops are bad, we say All Cops Are Bastards. We don’t mean bastard as an unpleasant or despicable person. Bastard is taken from the word bastardize meaning corrupt or debase.
[Cops] are corrupted, [firstly,] by the possessions of power. They can use their authority to inflict power on people.
[And secondly,] the very laws that they are trying to enforce are corrupt and they are used to subdue different identities and minorities."
live sick, die ill.
Queer, femme, fat, disabled, intersectional.
It's 5by5 baby.
Tacky wanker, chronic complainer, chaotic neutral, chaos demon.
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