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Consumer of Umbrage Report, #Earbuds Edition:

So the other day I lost ANOTHER Apple wireless earbud, and I was like, MAN, that’s IT. I can’t keep shelling out fer these overpriced, underperforming, escape-artist pieces of junk every six months. So I asked the woke mob at the hipster coffee house and they were like, dude you need some cheepo Tozo T10s. What the hell, I got some. At 25 bucks they do everything the $100 Apple buds do and sound no worse. They’re actually more comfortable, too. I’m told the microphone makes me sound like I’m “under water” but who cares? I hate talkin’ on the phone anyway. Send me a text like a civilized person, already. Remains to be seen how long before they crap out, but for 25 bones I’m in for the ride.