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|s during the pandemic.

At the start of the pandemic things went pretty great. We saw many projects cropping up, people were shopping for each other, making and distributing masks etc. It would be presumptuous to claim that all these people were anarchists. Nevertheless such projects gave people hope. Could the pandemic, despite the humyn tragedy it represents, also be one of these moments in time when Mutual Aid and could reach and maybe even convince the masses, that bottom up initiatives are fantastic and to implement them in opposition to the state makes a lot of sense.

But then the state seized its opportunity and started to use its enormous resources to implement some relatively decent policies, financial aid, eviction freezes, distribution of masks, tests, later vaccines and such. It seems to me, this had a deep impact on many anarchists. The state doing decent things for once, while, it has to be pointed out also expanding their overreach and control mechanisms, was feeding the wrong narrative and created confusion.

Many anarchists at this point turned their focus onto state overreach, understandably, or they started to fight the COVID-deniers, anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, even more understandably so. While, sadly, some "anarchists" joined the wrong side and could then be seen protesting along side neonazis and new ager conspiracy nuts against masks or what have you. This made the confusion even worse.

When the state started their process of normalizing this debilitating disease, and when what the Death Panel podcast has so aptly dubbed the sociological production of the end of the pandemic started, by running a vaccine only strategy, anarchists missed their chance to switch their focus yet again. This time back to communal care, to solidarity with the people most endangered by this awful disease (please believe me, i have ), by opposing the state, who started to herd everyone back into wage labor and consumption of goods. Instead anarchists just went along with the and ultimately bullshit and were even some of the first to drop mask mandates at their events.

For comrades like myself, who had been debilitated by this insidious disease, who may still suffer from it, and who now just had to watch, sidelined, how they were now being excluded from participation, this was an almost even more devastating blow, than suffering from the disease itself.

To be clear, this will not be the last pandemic. The causes for zoonotic diseases (deforestation, intensive animal and industrial farming) have not been addressed. could have, no should have been! an opportunity to reach consensus on how we respond to a pandemic, starting within our community to then reach out to the masses.

We absolutely failed at this. Even in the analysis of the pandemic response very few interesting contributions came from our circles (many of the better ones came from socialists and marxists). Meanwhile many of the big anarchist writers remained stumm on the topic.

And for some of us, with a heavy heart, we are now in the process of moving away from out of sheer disillusionment and disappointment.

It is time to grieve. It is time to scream. I am so done.

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