Almost 3 years of suffering from #LongCOVID (still without an official diagnosis mostly because back in march 2020 there were no tests), i realize how much my political perception has shifted. Today i am mostly disillusioned in regards to huge junks of the so-called radical left.

Chronically ill and therefore disabled, i was shocked to notice how deep ableism is not only ingrained in our societies at large, in fact it has to be considered one of the major structural problems that we should address in late stage capitalism, but how the radical left seems mostly unaware of this issue, in stark contrast to other structural problems like racism, sexism etc. against which the radical left at least tries to position itself. I am of course also humbled, because disability activists have been shouting this for years and i also mostly ignored the issue, until it has hit me personally. So shame on me as well.

What most people don't realize is how it was a moment of hope and perspective for disabled and immunocompromised comrades, when early in the pandemic many events started to happen remote, via streams and video chat. Because it finally offered them (or i should say it allowed us = the people forced to live in self-isolation on a permanent basis) a way to participate. The hope was, that at the very least everybody could plainly see how easy it was to implicate this option. All you need is an internet connection, a device with camera, done.

But later in the pandemic it was just as shocking and disheartening to see, how quickly all these possibilities were forgotten when the mitigating protective measures were walked back by the state, when the pandemic was declared to be over (which it still is not!).

In fact the radical left, at least here in Switzerland, were some of the earliest groups to hold in person meetings again without in parallel offering a stream for remote access. Technically, as we could have understood, this would have been no problem at all.

Protective masks were dropped soon after the state dropped its mandates, which excluded even more people from in person participation. People like myself and the many of us suffering from LongCOVID, who were chronically ill BECAUSE of this pandemic and who now had to try and avoid re-infection as best we could.

As an anarchist i simply don't understand how what the state decides and claims is followed so obediently or without questioning it by my former anarchist comrades. Especially during a pandemic, during what many call a mass disabling event. The health implications of COVID are still not fully understood, many will suffer from a debilitating weakened immune systems for years, maybe decades to come.

Yes, there were some interesting voices on the radical left, the long-term disability activists of course, the death panel podcast, peste magazine and a few more. But what again is shocking to me as an anarchist was to notice that most of them were marxists.

The anarchist or insurrectionist left was mostly absent in theory crafting against ableist panxemic politics. Quite the opposite here in Europe, where Agamben and the folks around the comitee invisible in France or Wu-Ming in Italy came out with atrocious conspiracy riddled articles and manifestos, that were well received by the far right covid-deniers. It seems the individualist strain of anarchism is what dominates in these parts. Stirner is winning.

But what we need is more Kropotkin. More mutual aid. More communal solutions. Especially during a pandemic. Especially when so many of us could end (and have ended) up disabled. What could have been happening in mutual aid was shown early on, when neighborhoods started to organize, when people made masks and went shopping for each other, cooked soup for the homeless, defying the lockdowns. Many of these initiatives petered out fast. But they could have evolved as the pandemic and the state response progressed.

Now mutual aid would still easily be possible. It would mean to keep focusing on communal health and care. To make all events inclusive for the disabled and the chronically ill. To keep the masks on. To counter the state narrative that the pandemic is over. To stream all events and moderate them so people can participate remotely. The model exists. Chaos Computer Club has been streaming all their events for years and allowed people to participate through IRC or "social" media.

As a disabled anarchist forced into self-isolation by the selfish behavior of many of my former comrades i am deeply disillusioned and frankly confused. This is not at all what i signed up for.