*sad beep* @angstyhonking@kolektiva.social

it feels like every time i turn around theres a new reason why my brain is Different and Not Supposed to be Doing the Things its Doing and it Sucks

im freaking outttttt i just swiped right on someone ENTIRELY because they were named kostas. this is it for me its been nice knowing you but i have to answer the call and go paint some blue trees and go skinny dipping and ~aaaaccidentally~ get seen and cause an unfortunately timed rift between my grandparents and his family and and and

another day with a shared wall another night of having to find a way to drown out my roommates awful sex noises

every four days i log on, post some dumb shit, like a mutual's post, and immediately log off

hmm im fucking slee pby

if u have ever felt the specific adderall side effect where ur core is sweating So Much but ur hands and feet are the temperature of a refrigerator we're friends now i dont make the rules. now give me a clammy high five to solidify our friendship

as it stands now he just keeps telling me he'll call me and he DOESNT and he has a thousand excuses why and none of them make any goddamn sense. like, im not gonna keel over dead just tell me you dont want to talk to me

boy wont text me back im stuck between being petty and ghosting him back// trying one more time and asking him to just tell me he doesnt want to talk to me anymore so i can move on with my life and stop worrying about it

hmmm im upset

IF YOURE GOIN TAKE THE TRAIN, SO I CAN HEAR IT RUMBLE, ONE LAST RUMBLE
AND WHEN YOU GO TAKE THIS HEART, ILL MAKE NO MORE USE OF IT WHEN THERES NO MORE YOU

theres a video in this article in which he compares the city of LA's unhoused population to literal horseshit

https://knock-la.com/mayor-eric-garcetti-homelessness-horse-rose-parade-town-hall-a4bebf767767

i shall sit and eat my chicken quesadillas and grin like a fool

COOL THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY LIFE

TODAY IS A DAY TO PARTYYYYYY

technically taking melatonin is hrt

im stuck in a constant cycle of
'i should really talk to someone'
'nah im not doing thaat bad'
'today was great! i dont know what i was on about'
'oh wow i really cant cope with being a human'
'shit i dont have enough money for chicken nugget'
repeat ad infinitum

i did some art and now i feel better wow maybe my therapist from high school was onto something

pretty sure half the world is disappointed in me and the other half thinks i hate them

why is acting like a normal human so DIFFICULT for me why cant i just respond on time like a normal person instead of overthinking how i sound and then getting freaked out about how long im taking and how weird that is and then waiting for a thousand years and never saying anything