Tits Flanagan @Titsflanagan@kolektiva.social

Hey folks I regret to inform you that tomorrow is, in fact, another day. We are aware of the issue and are trying to resolve it as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

Mental illness? You mean fucked up dicknballs of the brain?

My partner is very calm for someone who knows they will be single in exactly one month if they don’t get their shit together

So how would YOU tell your boss that you are leaving your job because of the actions of another employee

Brain is in a constant state of realizing it brought a knife to a gunfight

Not me crying at press conferences being held in Irish 🥲

Crazy how when the government wants to sneaky-sneak religion into the law it’s always some hateful pseudo-Christian nonsense and not like environmental protections for pagans who consider stewardship of the earth to be a moral imperative. But go off, United States, you hulking chimera of hate and greed breathing its last wheezing death rattle.

“THe WoRlD iS EnDInG dOnT HaVe cHIlDreN!” Mm okay then how are we supposed to get the kwisatz haderach, riddle me that

Our dog has begun bringing us her toys when she wants to have a bite of our food that she isn’t allowed to have (chocolate, grapes, garlic) in an attempt to trade and I’m very concerned that we have somehow accidentally made her aware of capitalism

The bisexual urge to swish your little iced oat latte around

Not fun fact: TJMaxx/TkMaxx/Marshall’s/Homegoods/Sierra made a record $47Bn in sales last year but only gave their workers a 2%-5% “merit” (not cost-of-living) raise based on an internal review system that makes no allowances for disabled or neurodivergent employees. Bear in mind that a worker would need at least a 7% raise to keep up with unprecedented inflation.

Tried to tell family and they said that god didn’t give me the job because I read tarot cards then said they’d buy me dinner and then forgot holy shit what is wrong with everyone Jesus Christ

I did not get the job. They should have to refund what I spent on a post-quarantine-body-change interview outfit and gas bc now I am in the hole and without a job that pays more than poverty wages. I’m going to fucking cry (more) (I have been crying all day)

Okay but what if I just got one of those mini phones and simply stayed off the hell apps

“Old Money Style Inspo” tiktok baffles me- like we all know where that money came from. Why are you out here on Al Gore’s free internet trying to look like your great grandpapa spent part of your eventual inheritance on child employees with missing fingers and Pinkertons? Wild stuff.

Anyone want to wish a stranger good luck on their job hunt bc lol I’m going to boke from the anxiety

“Your honor, my tarot cards didn’t mention this at all”

@Titsflanagan Naming myself the new queen of cosmic horror by replacing all of Lovecraft’s racism with gay thoughts

I have a problem and it is that I am stuck on galaxy brain. I am zoomed out and can’t zoom back in. All that exists in my mind now is the cyclical model of the universe in which it keeps destroying and recreating itself and also gay thoughts. I cannot function. I forgot to do my taxes. 95% of the universe is dark matter. Girls smell nice. There are parts of the universe that we cannot and never will be able to see. Subarus. Rescue dogs. Black holes.

The “Twitter news breaking” to “edgelords smugtweeting “YoURe nOt lEAvInG’” pipeline is a fucking slip ‘n’ slide