Tits Flanagan @Titsflanagan@kolektiva.social

Going into Target with a shopping list is foolishness. It is hubris. Target will tell you what you need. Target always knows what you need.

Hey folks I regret to inform you that tomorrow is, in fact, another day. We are aware of the issue and are trying to resolve it as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.

Uhhhh anyone running any pubs that accept The Weird Shit? Or better yet looking for microchaps? I want to have a word.

Made up a new saying: “getting railed like Persephone on the first day of fall”

This is a cross-cultural home: He shows me Korean cinema and I tell him what “buck eejit” means.

Having children to ensure that there will be someone around to bully Xanadu Fighter Jet Musk when the time comes

Your girlfriend wants Dunkin bacon & cheese roll ups. I am your girlfriend.

Doing the 5 movements to ensure fb and insta stay down

I am legitimately livid over the fact that there’s a restaurant in LA that serves beans on toast for like $6 and a single sausage roll for $12 (+ $2 if you want beans)

I haven’t been here in a hot second but I have a blue mullet now so it felt like the right time to make a triumphant return

If all the hell apps are down does that mean we get to go back to tumblr

Everyone’s too happy on the gram please tell me there are some other miserable bastards on here

I can’t remember who expressed interest way back when in a discord coven but I finally made one if you’re still interested

Ending my prayers with “respect goes both ways, buckaroo!”

Everyone come back I can’t stand all the other apps and I’m still chasing that high from the great mastodon migration last December

No offense girl but let’s get a bungalow together and make lavender eucalyptus soap and kiss

My headcanon is that in the Battle of the Orb Mothers, Marianne Williamson would absolutely body Doreen Virtue.

Just thinking about how, at any given time, you’re just carrying around 20lbs of bones

Bisexual femmes in relationships with cis men do not exist. We are urban legends. The jers-GAY devil, if you will. BI-foot. Breast of Exmoor. Chupamujeres.

Personally I think it’s cool that decades of groundbreaking technological advancements have resulted in me being able to carry a rectangle full of pictures of my dog with me everywhere I go

I have yet to find a problem I can’t dye my hair about

“I like Science Fiction because of the world-building.”