RiotLinguist @RiotLinguistics@kolektiva.social

Hypothetical: what is the best (and ethically anarchist) response if a stranger (whose identity is obscured) contacts you in private and alleges that someone you know is an abuser, but asks you to keep it secret?

Idk, just having complicated feelings and realized this platform is smaller & no one from that part of my life follows me on here. Paralyzed by executive dysfunction as always and feeling depressed today. Will probably delete I just have been dying to get those feelings off my chest.

I know it’s not fair or right for me to resent her the liberating feeling of having language to express the mismatch between the self and the world. I’m glad she has that. But now I’m here, feeling guilty & embarrassed to even admit to “autism” and having, like, adhd imposter syndrome, while slowly failing grad school. It doesn’t feel fair that im still fucked up & she gets to feel all the liberation & none of the guilt & shame & paralysis.

I know it’s selfish, but it’s hard for me now to watch one of the people who most actively ran at my dad’s side, & helped him drive me to a suicide attempt, become a “mental health advocate” and enthusiastically embrace her own adhd diagnosis (after I spent months hiding that I was looking for an rx) & start making social media announcements abt how ppl have to respect her “neurodivergent status.” I know it’s selfish. It’s not her fault my dad tricked her.

Being pressured for years to “repent” of my “sinful, angry, & hateful” autistic/ADHD traits fucked me up. I still feel weird & like a faker for using those words, bc I didn’t know they applied to me at the time, but I got to used to internalizing the belief that it was something “bad” in me and a moral failing—“bitterness” “wrath,” “jezebel spirit” (that one’ll fuck you up lol). I still compulsively feel guilty for every ND trait I can’t hide.

At what point does compulsively hyperfixating on something that causes you emotional pain become a form of psychic self-harm asking for a friend

Have had a personal revelation recently, concerning the ways in which school fucked me up, that would surely cause a youth lib discourse cycle that would lead Twitter to collapse like a dying star

I don’t want to start youth lib discourse on Twitter again but it’s actually wild how fast the authoritarian leftist milieu went straight to QAnon-style conspiracy theories and started accusing people of secret (completely nonsensical) evil agendas

Also nonhuman animals clearly have cognitive categories without language. Language may influence how you divide categories but it does not impose or originate them. Also the whole notion of a subconscious is just kinda shaky.

Tl;dr I experience physical cringing when people cite Lacan, and wish anarchists could grasp an actually liberationist concept of language

Also the mirror stage is fake. But also there’s *some* evidence that human infants start acquiring language sometimes literally while still in the womb, & they DEFINITELY start acquiring lang before 6 months, the period of the alleged mirror stage that first separates you from the Real & forces you into the Symbolic Order (& language)

Language is also a site of aesthetics and joy. Emma Goldman’s famous “if I can’t dance I don’t want to be part of your revolution” quote but for poetry, in 7000 languages (and more, if we could win!)

Human cognition is animal cognition. Human language is just animal adaptability. Language is fluid & malleable. It is emergent from & performed by the brain, a physical object. The notion of the subconscious is dubious at best.

both an object and a method of liberation. Liberation of indigenous languages is a KEY point of struggle against schooling, carceralism, and settler-colonialism, revival of sleeping languages that have been repressed by the state, proliferation of an abundance of languages & creoles against the will of the state—all increase our collective illegibility to power, our collective capacity to resist & communicate in ways outside the regimes of bureaucracy & military, etc.

It is also bad for anarchist theories of liberation, bc having a basically mystical idea of language “separating us from the Real” as if it were an externally imposed structure, rather than an emergent quality of human cognition & sociality of the species, leads anarchists to overlook linguistic forms of oppression and liberation—eg both state violence against language (borders, official languages, Residential schools, suppressing or attempting to exterminate marginal languages) and language as

Lacan’s whole theory of language (& thus “the subconscious”) is based on either misunderstanding or willfully distorting Saussure, whose semiotics were already outdated at that point. There’s a reason he never took off among linguists & the reason is bc it’s like writing a whole theory of biology based on the misogynist parts of Darwin, in 1960

Coming over to the quieter social media site to diss Lacan bc if I do it on Twitter I will be canceled for being right

The students watched Sorry to Bother You, and a troubling number of them described the picket line as a “violent riot” so that’s a real good sign

How could it even be possible to provide feedback on 138+ written submissions per week and keep it under 20 hours? Am I the idiot here, am I somehow impossibly slow? Bc I legit just spent 2 straight days doing nothing but grading and am still behind wtf am I supposed to do

office hours, lecture/discussions, prepping course material, but most of all grading + feedback on 3-4 weekly tasks for 46 students (including desperately trying to catch up the ever-mounting backlog bc how tf am I supposed to stay caught up?) I have devised so many ways of making it faster, having a set of pre-written feedback comments to modify for students, setting timers to keep myself from getting too in-depth, etc., but I literally just cannot keep up?

My teaching load is supposed to be 20 hours per week, since my main job is allegedly supposed to be working on my own research, but the sheer volume of assignments to grade is absurd. I am at a loss to figure out how any of the other instructors is able to keep this down to 20 hours? I just clocked a 70 hour week of which 44 were related to teaching